just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
