So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I look better un-naked...
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
