Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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