I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
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