Is it because I queefed?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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