I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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