i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
