he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Randomize
