Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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