well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I just found puke in my bra..
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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