I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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