And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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