When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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