You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I cockslap morals
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
