update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
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