I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
