Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
