What did we do last night that was yellow?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
