Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
