hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You need Xanax blowdarts
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
