how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
