oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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