Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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