she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
