we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
