Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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