would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You are a genius and a whore.
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