i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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