I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
