I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
