can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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