I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
