Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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