I will die if light touches me.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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