Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
