You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
