sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
