Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Randomize
