Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
