i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
