I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize
