I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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