smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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