Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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