She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
