You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
