physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
