i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
True strength comes from lack of pants
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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