Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
