i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
