That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Randomize
