well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
