I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
