I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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